Fighting Insecurity At Work Part Five: I'm here to help.

This is part of a blog series about fighting insecurity at work and four phrases that have helped me keep myself in focus. To start from the beginning, click here. 

For me, nothing breeds insecurity like trying to imagine what other people think of me. 

Do they think I’m smart?

Do they think my jokes are funny?

Do they think I’m cool? (No, I’m not 14. I’m a grown woman and I still wonder this.)

Do they think I deserve to be here?

If I allow myself to sit in those questions for very long, I launch into a process that I bet you’re familiar with…

Image management. Noun. The ongoing, pro-active process of evaluating and controlling how you appear to others. 

For all the hours I’ve put into image management, I should have another degree. It’s miserable, and if I’m not careful it can take up all the space in my brain. As soon as I walk into

an office,

a meeting,

a presentation, 

I feel the sudden urge to glance around the room and assess what everyone thinks of me, and how I can move the needle to be a tiny bit more favorable. Maybe you don’t do that (I am an Enneagram Three, after all. It’s our trademark.) But I’m guessing image management still crosses your mind and that’s a good thing. 

Image management does have a place.  How others perceive you, especially if you are a woman[1], will affect your career, your pay, and your influence. 

How people see us matters, it’s just not why we are here. 

WHY we are here is something else entirely and when we put our focus there, things start to clear up. In other words, thereason we are here trumps our image every time.And the why? That’s easy to figure out. No matter the job, the title, the industry, if someone is a Jesus follower, the reason for being there can be summed up in this simple phrase. 

I’m here to help. 

That’s it. I’m here to serve. I’m here to put someone first. I’m here to assist, to cheer, to encourage, or to lead someone toward their goals. I’m here because there’s something good that won’t be done if I don’t do it.  

Here’s the honest truth: when you and I focus on managing our images, we make too big a deal out of ourselves.There’s a good chance nobody in the room is thinking about us as much as we THINK they’re thinking about us. But when we take the posture of a servant, the stance of a helper, we’re more in line with who we were created to be and we have a WAY clearer view of how others see us. After all, there’s a good chance someone invited you to the meeting, the company, the conversation because THEY thought you’d be helpful. 

[1]See Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

Fighting Insecurity At Work Part Four: I am an expert.

This is part of a blog series about fighting insecurity at work and four phrases that have helped me keep myself in focus. To start from the beginning, click here. 

Have you ever walked into a meeting and felt like you didn’t belong there? Like you had nothing to contribute? Nothing helpful to say? I think I felt that way for my first few years at Orange. I’ll never forget my first staff meeting. I thought…

1-   They all have coffee. (I’m gonna like this place.) 

2-   They all have MacBooks. (I’m really gonna like this place.) 

3-   They’re all cooler than me.

4-   And I’m pretty sure they’re all smarter than me.

It was an insecurity tornado. What’s worse? I was right. My coworkers were literally cooler AND smarter than me in almost every situation. But, over the next few months, I would discover something that has been a helpful truth to remember ever since. Even if everyone in the room is smarter than me, even if they know more, are more educated, have more experience, and say it better, I have something to contribute because….

No one in the room has my life experience but me. 

Very often, I’d be in the room and realize I was the only person who had…

• Lived in a rural community OR
• Lived outside suburbia OR
• Taught in a poverty school OR
• Taught in a wealthy school (I did both) OR
• Live in an interracial marriage OR
• Taught language OR
• Lead a teenager through self-harm OR
• Lead a teenager through coming out OR
• Had done all those things. 

Even if my experience wasn’t directly related, it had shaped me. It had given me perspective. And because I had a unique perspective, I always had something to bring to the table. 

And so do you, because…

You are an expert in something. 

Maybe it’s your own life story. Chances are you are an expert in a number of other things as well. But no matter what it is, you walk into a meeting with some level of expertise that no one else has, some perspective that no one else has, and you bring something that would be missing if YOU were missing.

You just have to figure out what that is. 

And what's do you do as an expert? What is your primary job?

That's next week. 

Fighting Insecurity At Work Part Three: I have what it takes.

This is part of a blog series about fighting insecurity at work and four phrases that have helped me keep myself in focus. To start from the beginning, click here. 

What if I don’t have what it takes?

Isn’t this the great question of The Imposter Syndrome?  Not long ago, I spoke at a camp for teenagers. Terrified wasn’t even the word for how I felt. Teenagers don’t scare me, but the adults that come with them can be terrifying, and there were adults from every area of my life in that room. My boss? There. His boss? There. People from my church? There. Clients from work? There. Even family? Yup. 

About 24 hours before my talk, I began to tell God all the reasons I wasn’t the right person for this job. The stage was too big. I didn’t have enough practice with crowds this large. I was rusty. The camp director was wrong for inviting me. My boss was wrong for recommending me. The whole camp team was wrong for entrusting me... If they really KNEW how little experience I had…

And in a moment, quietly but certainly, I felt a familiar still, small voice speak to me. 

Do you think they’re in charge? 

 The question hit like a boulder in my stomach. It was short, but I knew what He meant. The director might have been wrong. My boss might have been mistaken. I most certainly WAS underqualified for the job description assigned to me (and had been honest about it), but they were not in charge. God had placed me in that situation. He was still in control and I had everything I needed to do what He had called me to do. Was it perfect? Nope. But I wasn’t called to be perfect. I wasn’t called to be impressive. I was called to prepare faithfully and then trust that God had put me there for His purpose. 

Here’s the truth, you can put yourself in situations you should never be in. You can lie on a resume, pretend to know things you don’t, but for most of us, that’s not how we got where we are. For most of us, we came honestly to a place where we aren’t sure we have what it takes to do our jobs well, and that’s okay because…

God is in control. 

He has placed you somewhere on purpose. 

He didn’t make a mistake. 

Maybe His purpose for you is to knock it out of the park professionally. Maybe not.  Maybe He put you in a role to learn something you didn’t know. Maybe He put you there to encourage someone or offer hope. No doubt, God’s purposes are different than ours, but no matter what it is, you have what it takes because…

He knew what you had

and He knew what it takes.

And you're still there. 

Fighting Insecurity At Work Part Two: God Has My Back

This is part of a blog series about fighting insecurity at work and four phrases that have helped me keep myself in focus. To start from the beginning, click here. 

Truth #1: God has my back.

Maybe that statement seems obvious to you, but I often surprise myself at how quickly I begin to assume that all outcomes, all situations, all work-related results rely entirely on me. The truth is that the work I put into a project is MY responsibility, but what happens after that? The results? What people think of me? What happens next?  I was never meant to carry that load.  Think of it this way...

Moses wasn't responsible for how Pharaoh reacted. He was responsible for speaking up. 

David wasn't responsible for Goliath falling...only for his part in the fight. 

Peter wasn't in charge of what happened when he stepped out on the waves. He was responsible for stepping. That was it.

As my brilliant friend Sarah Anderson said in a meeting recently, "So much of prayer is reminding myself what is my responsibility and what is God's". She has a point. (Actually, she has a lot of them. Go read them at www.SarahBAnderson.com). 

So much of my work-related anxiety centers around things that haven’t even happened yet or what was never meant to be in my control anyway.  So in the past few years, I’ve done my best to remind myself that tomorrow is God’s responsibility and He is good. Very good. In fact, out of goodness, He works all things together for my good.

In other words, I don’t have to worry because He’s got it. And He’s got my back. 

But what about the stuff that IS my responsibility? That's next week. 

How do you have a creative meeting?

How do you start a project from scratch? 

Maybe you make lists. 

Maybe you draw it out or dream it up. 

Maybe you start by creating a budget (I’m sure somebody does that, right?) 

Where I work? We have a creative meeting. In fact, we live and die by what we call “creative boards.”  I don’t think any talk would get presented, any script would get written, or any video would get produced without them. 

A creative board is basically a black bulletin board that hold and organize all of our ideas, and they’re worth gold (or about $100 here.) 

Of course, not every project is a group project, and lately, I’ve been having some creative meetings on my own. You can find my $2 personal creative board here . But whether you’re in a room of 20 or a room by yourself, a creative meeting can be helpful.

I think that’s why one of the MOST COMMON questions I get is this: 

How do you have a creative meeting? 

While there are a LOT of right answers and not many “wrong ways” to have a creative meeting, for me it starts with deciding what you’re building. Maybe you’re designing a talk to be presented on a stage. Maybe, like we have, you’re planning a camp or an event. Maybe you’re writing a book, building a house, or creating a conference. No matter what it is, make sure everyone in the meeting KNOWS what they’re meeting about. Then, try this: 

1.    Throw a bunch of random ideas on the board. Hopes. Dreams. Unicorns. Silly ideas. All of it is ok. Some of the best ideas are the ones that don’t seem feasible yet.  Once you have all your ideas on the board, flip it over to a clean slate and…

2.   Define the categories. Often we write sermons. So our categories are the five parts of that sermon. Maybe you’re planning an event and your categories are key areas of the event like lodging, food, programming, transportation, etc. No matter what you’re planning or building, chances are there are some big buckets where you need ideas. Decide what those are and place them at the top of your board. Then…

3.   Fill the buckets. Think of each category like a bucket for ideas. Go back to your big board of random ideas. Do any of those fit naturally into the categories you’ve created? Put them there. If not, don’t throw them away. You may find later that you need to add a category or save that idea for later. Once you’ve sorted out all the ideas, then step back. What’s missing in each category to make it a success? As a group (or as yourself), brainstorm ideas and fill each category until it feels like a 10/10.

4.   Rearrange as needed. Maybe the items on your board need to happen in a certain order. Maybe it’s helpful to arrange them from soonest to latest or most important to least important under each category. Take the time to swap cards when it’s helpful. 

5.   Refine. Refine. Refine. Not every idea is a good one and not every creative card should stay on your board.Sometimes you know right away what to remove. If not, sleep on it, come back to it, and decide what makes things more complicated, more expensive, less clear, or less helpful. When you identify a card isn’t as helpful as it once seemed, pull it off the board. Maybe you’re comfortable throwing ideas away. I’m not. In fact, the fear of losing an idea may make me keep it on the board too long. So, I’ve started keeping a pile of unused ideas. They come off the board and into my pile. That way I won’t forget, but I also won’t leave them to complicate my current project. 

When you're done, your creative board might look like this. 

But it never starts that way. It starts as more of a mess and that’s okay.

For me, and maybe for you, it’s all part of the creative process.